Conflict resolution (1)

When I began teaching I assumed that if students misbehaved or disagreed with me about what constituted proper conduct, all I would have to do is tell them my reasons. They would, then, alter their behaviour because they would see that my reasons were logical and valid.

The result was that I got into many arguments. Students would resist, give me stupid reasons for their behaviour, or not understand my point. It took me many years to realize that, after the first justification, future discussion is a waste of time. Furthermore, allowing the students to keep arguing was dangerous for them. In some cases their mouths got them into trouble. I was actually doing them a disservice by continuing a futile discussion.

Now, if I give an instruction, such as "Please stop talking and begin writing" and the student starts to talk back, I say "The only words I want to hear are 'yes, sir'". The effect is amazing. The students says "Yes, sir" and peace ensues. The student is usually content, not angry. He or she just shrugs and gets down to business.

I don't mean to imply that I'm a dictatorial teacher, becase I'm not. The point is, though, that sometimes a teenager needs a firm, absolute limit. The student actually gains some security with this interaction. Most of the time, he or she realizes that there is to be no discussion or objection, and just accepts it.

Perhaps there's a lesson for parents here. There are times for discussion and times for acceptance of a ruling without discussion. Sometimes the latter course of action ends up being the best for both parent and child.